Words I Couldn't Say
by purpleheart10
Summary: She can see those things that she used to see when she was still his one and only. Written for the CreddieFans 'Stay My Baby' Challenge.


**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ICARLY.**

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**She feels like she's being torn into pieces when he told her and Sam that he's found someone who might be the one for him. He met _her _at the Galaxy wars convention which is really not a good place to start a romantic relationship in the first place. She couldn't believe it. He just asked for another chance last week and now he's telling them that he's moved on and he just wants to be the best guy friend she can ever wish for. Sam, of course, couldn't believe it either because she's quite sure that no girl in sanity wants to go out with him. But she's wrong. Definitely wrong.

It's her fault anyway. At least that's what she's been telling herself over and over. She's been too hard on herself but she knows she just lost her chance. Freddie _wanted _her for years and all she ever does is reject him and crash his hopes and dreams of being with her. She thought that he'd never give up but he did, and now she regrets every time she tells him they can be nothing more than just friends. Because with the way things are going, she definitely wants their relationship to be more than just friends. Only now, it's too late for that.

She knows there is nothing she can do to have him back, to have him love her again because he seems so happy with _her. _She can see his eyes glow whenever he's talking about_ her_. She can see how his smiles reach his ears before he answers his phone. She can see his excitement when _she_ sends him a text message, telling him to meet _her_ somewhere. She can see those things that she used to see when she was still his one and only. But not anymore.

The words she left unspoken are just scribbled in a little piece of paper she keeps inside her drawer. Every night, before she goes to sleep, she would look at it and when she feels something, she would write it down. She knows she is not good with words that's why math is her favorite subject but somehow, she manages to write something in a form of a poem and later, with the help of the guitar he had brought her for her sixteenth birthday, the poem turned into a song.

She isn't really planning on giving it to him, much more letting him hear it. She's just too shy and she's positive it will not change anything. Freddie's eyes are set on someone that's not her and all she'll ever be to him is just a friend after all these years of him pining over her. Indeed, karma hit her pretty bad. She's fallen in love with someone who used to love her. That sucks.

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It's talent's night at school and she's sitting between her two best friends at the front row. She silently thanks God that _she's _not attending Ridgeway because it would be so awkward to meet the girl who took him away from her, who made him break her heart. She knows it's unfair to think of _her_ that way but whenever she pictures them together, she finds herself wishing that she should have been the one. Not_ her_.

She claps her hands at someone who just finished performing but truth be told, she's really not into the show because she's busy stealing glances at him from the corner of her eyes. She can never look at him the same way again. But truthfully, after he saved her life from that taco truck, she never really looked at him the same way again. She started seeing him in a different light. She slowly falls in love with the boy next door but she's just too damn scared to admit it. After he dumps her because he thinks it's just her illusion that makes her think she's in love with him, she realizes that what she feels for him is real. But the moment she decides to tell him, he doesn't feel the same anymore.

Sam's whispering something to her when they hear her name being called by Gibby, who happened to host the talent's show that night. She looks at him with confusion but all he does is repeat her name and motion for her to come right up the stage. She doesn't remember signing up to perform tonight and she has no intentions to. She looks at Sam and she knows right away that she's the one who registered her name by the way she's smiling and grinning at her. She shakes her head before turning to her other best friend who seems as confused as she is but still encourages her to go up the stage by giving her his heart-warming smile she loves the most.

She stands up from her seat reluctantly as she thinks of something she's going to do. She can't dance because she's not prepared. Hell, she's not prepared for anything at all. She lets her eyes wander across the room and she spotted Rodney at the side with a guitar in his hand. She goes down the stage and the audience starts whispering to one another, creating a loud buzzy noise that makes her more nervous than she already is.

When Rodney agrees to let her borrow it, she comes back on the stage and straps the guitar on her shoulder. She immediately thinks of a song she knows by heart but she doesn't memorize the chords of the song she currently has in mind. She tries to remember another but this time, it's the lyrics that she forgets. The only thing that she can sing and play without a copy is the song she has written for him. But she swore to herself that she won't let anyone hear it, especially the one she wrote the song for.

The crowd starts shouting at her and telling her to get on with it. It's pretty harsh but she knows that she'll do the same if she's sitting down there waiting for someone to make up her damn mind. She takes a deep breath before grabbing the microphone in front of her. She has decided. The last thing she can do is to at least let him know somehow even if it doesn't guarantee anything. She's laying her heart on the line.

Here goes nothing. She tells herself.

"This song is something I wrote for someone very special to me. I've made a lot of mistakes in the past but I don't regret them as much as I regret not telling him that I feel the same way..." she looks down and smiles a fake one before she continues. "It's too late now because he's moved on and he's in love with someone else. I love him. And I wish I told him earlier."

She looks at him in the eye as she lets the words escape her mouth. "This is for you, Freddie."

**_In a book in a box in the closet  
In a line in a song I once heard  
In a moment on a front porch late one June  
In a breath inside a whisper beneath the moon_**

**_There it was at the tip of my fingers  
There it was on the tip of my tongue  
There you were and I had never been that far  
There it was the whole world wrapped inside my arms_**

_**And I let it all slip away**  
_

She closes her eyes as she sings the first parts of the song. For some reason, she's afraid to look at him and see his reaction. She knows ever single individual in the room is shocked by what she revealed because Carly Shay is not supposed to be in love with Freddie Benson. She knows she's never going to hear the end of it from Sam. She knows girls would hate her because Freddie has become a ladies' man since the hero thing. She knows she's breaking the hearts of the boys who have a thing for her. But there's no turning back now. She needs to let out what she really feels for him and the song's the perfect instrument to shout what's inside her.

_**What do I do now that you're gone**  
**No back up plan, no second chance**  
**And no one else to blame**  
**All I can hear in the silence that remains**  
**Are the words I couldn't say**  
_

As she opens her eyes again, she meets his gaze. It sends shivers down her spine because she's becoming lost in his eyes like every other time they stare at each other. She tries to figure out what his eyes are telling her. She doesn't quite know what she sees in them. Confusion? Disappointment? Acceptance? It's hard for her to see his reaction because of the tears that start welling up in her brown eyes as she feels the lyrics of the song she dedicates to her love.

**_There's a rain that'll never stop falling  
There's a wall that I've tried to take down  
What I should've said just wouldn't pass my lips  
So I've held back and now we've come to this_**

**_And it's too late now_**

She starts losing it as she proceeds to sing the chorus again. The tears are flowing freely on her cheeks and her crying makes it even harder for her to sing. She starts on choking the words and her breathing is becoming unsteady now. The emotions start building up inside her and she knows she's going to break down anytime soon.

**_What do I do now that you're gone  
No back up plan, no second chance  
And no one else to blame  
All I can hear in the silence that remains  
Are the words I couldn't say_**

**_Are the words I couldn't say_**

**_I should've found a way to tell you how I felt_**  
_**Now the only one I'm tellin' is myself**  
_

She finally comes to the point where she can't do it anymore. She finishes the chorus though, and after looking at him one more time, she removes the guitar strapped on her body and gives it back to Rodney beside the improvised stage. Sam follows her but she says no because she wants to be alone. She exits the room in a hurry as she wipes the tears roughly with her fingers. She doesn't care of what people may think because all she wants is to be away from them, from him.

**_What do I do now that you're gone  
No back up plan, no second chance  
And no one else to blame  
All I can hear in the silence that remains  
Are the words I couldn't say_**

She runs inside the bathroom and sits on the toilet in an empty cubicle. She suddenly regrets giving in to the crowd and singing her song in front of them, in front of him. She worries most about their friendship and what her revelation can do to it. She's sure that everything will change after tonight and she's scared. She's scared to lose her best friend because she already lost him as someone who's supposed to hold her now and tell her that everything's gonna be okay because he still loves her and he'll always do.

Burying her face in her hands, she continues to cry and cry until her chests hurts and she can't breathe anymore. She doesn't care if anyone can hear her because no matter how much she wants it, she can never bring herself to stop hurting.

And what hurts her the most? It's knowing that they almost, almost made it. Now, all she has are the thoughts of what could have been, of what might have been. If only she's brave enough to tell him what she should have said a long time ago... then she won't be hurting.

**_What do I so, what do I say  
And no one else to blame  
All I can hear in the silence that remains  
Are the words I couldn't say..._**

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Spencer could have picked her up from school but he's sleeping over at Socko's. She could have taken the bus back to her apartment but she feels like walking. It's almost midnight when she arrives and she's soaked from the rain but she doesn't mind. She's too hurt to mind anything at all.

Then she sees him. He's slumped against the wall outside her apartment with his eyes closed. She almost kneels in front of him but she stops herself. Instead, she reaches for her keys inside her bag. It would have worked if her hands are not trembling, causing the keys to fall to the ground.

Suddenly, he's stirring in his sleep.

"Carly..." she hears him whisper her name.

She picks up the keys from the floor hurriedly, completely ignoring him. She manages to open the door and he goes inside with her. She continues to pretend that he's not there but she can't anymore because he's suddenly holding her hand and she's forced to look at him.

"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks softy, looking into her eyes.

She doesn't answer him. Instead, she grabs his shirt and cries against it. He sighs but after a while, he closes his arms around her figure and gently strokes her hair.

"I'm sorry. I just... I blew my chance and I can see how happy you are with her. I don't want to ruin things for you because I care about you. So much that I kept my feelings hidden inside me even though it hurts." she cries. "You deserve everything, Freddie."

He pulls away slowly, only to cup her cheeks and stare at her. "You are my everything."

She closes her eyes and presses her face against his palm.

"I love you, Carly." he breathes and their lips are almost touching.

She opens her eyes as if something finally hits her and steps back. She sees hurt and confusion in his eyes as she shakes her head in front of him.

"No." she mutters. "You love her, Freddie. Not me. Don't blow your chance like I did. She loves you and she doesn't deserve to be hurt. I know how it feels."

He heaves a heavy breath before closing the distance between them.

"Carls..."

He holds her hands and she looks away, tears streaming down her face.

"Carly, listen to me. In one way or another, someone's going to be hurt. If only it could be me, then I'd take it without any complains. I'm not saying that I don't care if she gets hurt because I do. She's special and you're right. She doesn't deserve it." he wipes her tears before he continues, "But you're the one I love. Call me a jerk but I'd rather have anyone hurt but you. You're the last person I want to see suffering."

She looks at him this time and sees that what he says is true. She can see in his eyes that he loves her. And for the first time for a long time, she smiles at him. It was an honest smile that doesn't need to hide what she really feels.

He kisses her forehead and takes her in his arms. She rests her head on her shoulders and pulls him closer.

"Are you gonna break up with her?" she mumbles.

He sighs. "Already did. The least I can do is to let her know."

"Let her know what?" she asks in her sweet, loving voice that he can never resist.

He smiles and pulls away gently just so he can look at her face. "That my feelings for you never really went away. That you're still the one I love. You'll always be my one and only, Carly."

She laughs softly. "You know what?"

"Nope. I don't." he grins.

"I love you." she says sincerely.

And that's all he needs for him to lean forward and press his lips lightly against hers. Eyes are closing, sparks are flying, lips are moving in perfect sync, and two hearts are beating as one.

When the kiss breaks, he rests his forehead against hers, not quite ready to end this yet.

"I love your voice." he mutters. "Sing to me the song again."

She giggles. "I don't want to."

"Why not?"

She smiles wickedly and he's loving it. "Cause I finally said the words I couldn't say."

"Then say them again." he demands.

"I love you, Freddie." she says before giving him a peck on the lips.

Freddie answers back and soon, they're slowly swaying as she hums the tune of the song she wrote for him. Only now she's been glad and thankful that Sam wrote her name on the list because if she didn't, this wouldn't probably be happening. The words she left unspoken would probably be locked inside her heart for who knows until when.

She reminds herself to take out a pen and paper before going to sleep that night. She's going to write another song about him. And it's going to be a lot better than the first because finally, after a really long time of keeping it to herself, she said it and she doesn't regret it.

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**A/N:**

**Sorry! I was supposed to write a pure angsty fic but I don't really know what has gotten into me that it turned fluffy towards the end. I'm such a sucker for writing fluffs. lol  
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**Anyway, I don't know if it's an eligible entry to the challenge but this idea has been in my head for a while now. Perhaps, one way to look at it is Carly wrote Freddie a song and sings it for him to try to get him back. ^_^  
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**And I don't own anything except the idea of this one-shot story. The italicized words are lyrics of the song "Words I Couldn't Say" by Rascal Flatts. What's weird is after hearing Miranda's "What Are You Waiting For", I can actually hear her singing this particular song in my head.**

**I've read a lot of entries and all I can say is WOW. They're all really good! Goodluck to all creddie writers! ^_^**

**Please R&R. Thank you!  
**


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